on things that matter most.

sometimes i feel worlds away from loving and teaching and nurturing, from the mom i hope and am trying to be. 

sometimes the day to day... the day to day.

what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?

last night at 10pm after putting kids to bed and picking up the house, i headed off to the closest 24 hr grocery store, oh such is life with little babes.

as i found myself in the first moment of quiet that day, i thought about my kids. the funny things olive says, her rambunctious behavior and crazy hair. i thought about harrison's sweet sweet face, chubby fingers and contagious laugh. how much i love them and wish the world for them.

i was exhausted, but i felt grateful.

as i played back the scenes of my very average day, all of a sudden making dinner one handed with a baby on my hip and one at my feet didn't seem so bad. vacuuming for twice as long as normal because olive wants a turn isn't the end of the world. if i don't get everything done on my list, it's okay. that list will be there tomorrow, and maybe the things on that list aren't that important anyway. 

maybe there is a little girl to dance with and a baby boy to feed pickles to.

i can't say it any better than this...

this post hit home with me.

kelly, i don't know you, but thank you.

favorite excerpts below.

Did you know,

I gave birth to beings and they get older every day?

I am young and old and wise and inexperienced.

Wasn't I just 19?

Lately the realization of my oldest child's childhood slipping away has really begun to sink in.

Also I should point out here, my pessimistic tendencies.

When it's the end of the day and I am exhausted beyond measure and I can't do dinner, and I don't want to do bedtime and if one more child asks me for something(!!), and I can't remember the last moments to myself that didn't involve laundry and very late nights, it's hard to see past to tomorrow.

I want them to grow up and stay small all at the same time. I am self-diagnosed with Motherhood Bipolar Disorder. I long for quiet and peace and order, but really enjoy the baby's fat face and the boy's tender sweetness and her lispy clever-talk- those things that can only be found in small ones. But I need them to grow up so I can feel sane. I need to feel in control of something again.

I know growing up brings so many great things. I know we will go on family vacations without diapers or crying babies, go to soccer games and spelling bees, drop off dapper young teens at school dances and cry over first heartbreaks. And I bet sometimes, then, I will be alone. Alone! Imagine that? I can and I can't wait.

But then.

Then they go to sleep and something magical happens.

I stare at their little faces and have that familar overwhelming feeling of peace wash over me. It consumes my soul and I remember in that instant what it's all for. It feels like a Mack Truck. My chest feels heavy and I'm breathless and thankful and my eyes welt up all at once. I am newly inspired to be better and to be everything I can be for them. I will move mountains. I am undeserving and they are so cute and small and I am so happy to be needed. So grateful to be needed.

That's why God invented sleeping children.

It is sometimes only then that I get to revel in the greatest cliché ever thought up:

They grow up so fast.

There, I said it.

Now I can have time to enjoy it while it is here and eventually let it go and welcome change. It's the rejoicing and the mourning and it's the bitter but the oh so sweetness of parenthood. It's the stuff I'm still trying to figure out.

how true it is.

day trip play date

olive and lucy.
the cutest of friends.
(at six months apart isn't the size difference impressive?) 

we spent the day in twin falls yesterday. we alternated temple sessions with some friends since the boise temple is closed for renovations. it's a lovely little temple, and it was nice to have some quiet time to reflect and worship.
i also got to see some artwork of one of my byu-i professors that was commissioned when the temple was built. talented.

we spent our off time at shoshone falls with the kids. i grew up 2 hours from here and had never been. it was surprisingly spectacular, who knew? i also spied a tjmaxx on our drive in, way to go twin falls, you're not nearly as lame as i thought.

and the girlies had a ball on their day trip play date complete with giant burgers and giant-er milkshakes. yum.
-two year old conversation is hilarious.

p.s. after seeing these photos i'm off to buy olive some longer shorts.

harrison lately

he's sitting up, army crawling like a champ, and loving cheerios. he's switched almost exclusively to formula and put on 2 pounds since his last appointment, bring on the chub. (by the way, formula smells AWFUL, does anyone else gag when you rinse out a bottle, or when your baby burps in your face. gets me every time. sooo gross. i'd have nursed longer if i could just to avoid the smell. ick.)
his hair keeps getting lighter and even looks a little red in the sun (cross your fingers, i'd LOVE a red headed child).
he smiles at everyone and everything, and loves music and bathtime. a friend even told me he was an angel baby...i'm pretty sure it's true.

he's been sleeping longer since we moved, 7:30pm-8:00am which is great, except that it also means he pees out of his diaper almost every morning...

he talks loud, cries soft, and has the best belly laugh, which he shares generously. 

he's as sweet as can be and a total mama's boy.
welcome to 8 months little man.

remembering september 11.

a beautiful post about it here. made me cry.

i love the message of hope in the quotation sited, i've copied it below as well. president gordon b. hinckley was a remarkable man with an unparalleled gift of sweet and simple articulation. 
hits to my core.

"Let us be prayerful. Let us pray for righteousness. Let us pray for the forces of good. Let us reach out to help men and women of goodwill, whatever their religious persuasion and wherever they live. Let us stand firm against evil, both at home and abroad. Let us live worthy of the blessings of heaven, reforming our lives where necessary and looking to Him, the Father of us all. He has said, "Be still, and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10).

Are these perilous times? They are. But there is no need to fear. We can have peace in our hearts and peace in our homes. We can be an influence for good in this world, every one of us.

May the God of heaven, the Almighty, bless us, help us, as we walk our various ways in the uncertain days that lie ahead. May we look to Him with unfailing faith. May we worthily place our reliance on His Beloved Son who is our great Redeemer, whether it be in life or in death."

-gordon b hinckley, october 2001

bedtime

most nights in our home go something like this...

while i feed harrison and put him to bed,
"daddio" (as she fondly calls him) helps olive with pajamas, brushing teeth, saying prayers, and storytime.
once harrison is in bed, i cut in for singing time with olive.

we usually choose a couple from the following playlist:

"dumb dog"-annie
"tomorrow"-annie
"i'm trying to be like jesus"
"heavenly father loves me"
"how do you know" -enchanted
"you are my sunshine"

and we almost always close with:
"abide with me"
...funny huh? it puts her right to sleep.

it's a beautiful song, and i especially love the last line-
"through cloud and sunshine Lord, abide with me."

first harvest

SO, bank owned properties can be a rockin' deal, but the yards are typically a mess. ours wasn't as bad as some i've seen but it still needed some serious tlc.

we've spent all or some of most everyday since moving in weeding and watering and moving dirt around. we've got a long ways to go, but the strawberries and tomatoes we uncovered from underneath the OUT OF CONTROL sunflower patch were a sweet surprise.

p.s. aubry told me about picnik.
it's pretty great, and way quicker than photoshop for blog photos. check it out.

for olive

what better way to celebrate a new home (well new to us) than with a houseguest. 

aubry came for labor day. (have i mentioned that aubry is the funnest? she's always game, even with the 5 hour drive on either end of her visit.)
she came with a car full of ikea supplies and the moral support i needed to drive the first nail. 

we shopped and baked and diy'ed late into the night.

we focused on olive's room first, and i think it turned out so sweet. the best part is that i spent $9 on supplies and the rest was stuff i had that we just re-purposed. my favorite part are the nursery rhyme cards. i picked those up years ago (pre-olive) at the biltmore in asheville, nc.

a place to hang your hat

august 26th: we got the keys and we're staying put for the next 30 years or so.

all in all the move wasn't too bad, aside from the fact that stuff is missing ie: a glass wall shelf, swiffer mop, broom, and step stool to name a few. either they never made it here from denver or some storage unit thief was dumb.

oh, and 10 days without internet is brutal. i spent almost 3 hours in google reader last night. and spencer probably looked like a total creep lurking in the mcdonalds parking lot at all hours of the night trying to capture a wireless signal.

but, we're starting to feel settled and we're excited to have a place to call home...finally.