ROOOAAAD-trip: boise to utah

so i've officially decided that being the driver on a 10 day road trip is a better gig than being the children gopher. just saying. 

we got back last weekend from our first family road trip. we put the new subaru to the test and made a big 1000+ mile circle-she did good.

on the agenda:
home to utah: wasatch back relay "ragnar", a weekend with aubry.
utah to jackson hole, wyoming: a night with grandpa pack, sylivia, and "the dogs".
jackson hole, wyoming to island park, idaho: a week reunioning with most of the frederiksen side (we missed you petersons).
island park, idaho to rexburg, idaho: a nostalgic afternoon. 
rexburg, idaho to home: late saturday with a stop off in glenns ferry for an antler. (important agenda item)


10 days on and off the road, there is lots to say, but let's start at the beginning-UTAH!
i love visiting utah, i love the people, the shopping, the scenery. i love it, it is my home away from home.


we dropped spencer off with his team in kaysville at my sister in law's parent's house late thursday, and then the kids and i crashed with aubry. us girls and harrison had a shopping, eating, playing day, while spencer ran various 6-8 mile legs between logan and park city. they did awesome btw, toot toot! BUT don't ask him about his medical tent story. it's gross, like i almost passed out gross. i have the shivers now just thinking about it.

being a ham, i would have expected this pose out of my brother nate (the one in the blue wig)
from left to right: spencer, nate, jeneca, kyle, "todd family friend" and sue

SO, we started our day at tulie bakery where i picked up 4 breakfast pastries, FOUR naturally, and then we made our way south, picking up a few duds for the kids at american apparel and h&m. once in provo, we met annie from annilygreen and bearcavestudios who so generously helped us out on a top secret project, and then we met up with susan of freshlypicked for THE BEST snow cones. do you know freshly picked moccasins? i am obsessed, check them out here. after licking the cups clean, susan took us back to her place to see her studio and scour her goods. i came out with two pairs of moccs and the gold mousepad, LOVE. her kids are as sweet as those little shoes, and her little boy gus with his mop of hair and entourage of care bears stole my heart. that boy.

we grabbed indian food on the way back north and had an evening of more top secret scheming: california girls trip 14 days and counting!


we met olive's "salt lake friends" addison and liam on saturday for lunch at culvers. (moment of silence...mmm, butter burgers) and then we all headed back north for a lazy day by the pool and splash park.

aubry and ryan-(who managed to escape undocumented as well as his rockstar haired son liam) made the most amazing kabobs that night, spencer rolled in from ragnar and lara surprised us on her way back to colorado from california just in time to dig in. jen and baby NAVY came by for a bit too and it was great, sooo great you guys! gosh, is there anything better than good families and kids and a pool and sunshine. heaven. i live for summer.

aubry free handed the most amazing art piece for me at 1 am that morning and i am in love with it. she needs to open a shop right, RIGHT?!

sunday morning goodbyes, and on to jackson hole.

*more photos of the weekend on instagram: andimarshall

or click here

bed time.

may 18, 2012


tonight, tonight was one of those nights. we started bedtime at 7:30pm with harrison, olive went down at 9pm. olive came out at 9:30pm and cried waking up harrison. after numerous attempts at bedtime, 10:30pm rolled around and both kids were downstairs on the couch with bowls of cereal because nothing else seemed to keep them occupied, and because both parents were too tired to move (and each was secretly hoping the other would step up and offer to bat for bedtime round 456).

when i finally got up, i took harrison and headed upstairs. and for some reason (laziness) instead of heading for the crib i stopped at the rocker.
i sat down with him and started my i'm not putting you to bed distraction techniques. (animal sounds work for him. i ask, what does a doggy say? "ruff ruff", what does a kitty say? "meow meow") you get the idea. i could feel him start to relax and he nuzzled his sweet little head into my shoulder. the animal sounds somehow transitioned into our favorite primary songs which eventually trailed off to night time quiet.

and he just let me hold him. i held him close, his little body outlined by the nightlight on the dresser, and my eyes welt up in tears. partly because the fight was over, but mostly because of the sweet moment i was sharing with my "not so baby anymore" baby.

when did i stop doing this? i thought to myself, i couldn't remember the last time i'd rocked him. 

9 months ago when i was nursing, i used to rock him to sleep every night. and even for sometime after i stopped and was putting him to sleep with a bottle, this was our routine. and then one day it must have just stopped. probably because i was tired or busy and so i put him in bed with his bottle, and he didn't seem to mind, and that one time became our new routine. it wasn't a conscious decision, it just was. and so much time has gone by since, days and weeks and months!

no wonder parents always say their kids grow up so fast. these transitional moments sneak up on us and we adjust our routines over and over again to accommodate and then one day they're grown and leaving for kindergarten and you pray that in between laundry and cooking and picking up and exhaustion you've taught them what they need to know to survive and be good people and always be polite and grateful...

being a parent can be hard, and its funny sometimes how insurmountable a task like bedtime can seem. but tonight, when i finally gave in and forgot about me and what i wanted, it turns out i found something more precious than any couch time could have given me. a sweet, oh so sweet moment with my boy. 

and it filled my heart.

*and i think it also helped me keep my cool the next day when he was ladling his sister's unflushed toilet bowl water onto the floor. reality check-let's not get carried away here...

mah mom.

on april 2nd, my mom had a minor surgery to remove a kidney dialysis access in her left arm that was put there in 2003; over 8 years ago.

my second cousin molly donated a kidney in august 2004, and a successful transplant occurred. 

my mom is a fighter and a survivor, we owe her life to molly, capable doctors, and a mindful and merciful Heavenly Father.

on april 17th, 2012 my mom turned a happy and healthy 51.

what a long way we've come!

in light of her recent surgery, i've been thinking about that time. although i was away at school, it was a vivid time in my life.

i remember finding out about her diagnosis, her kidney failure. i was living upstairs at the shanty, and i remember sitting against that panelboard stairwell receiving the news. there was talk about creatinine levels, possible scenarios, timeframe of decline, dialysis, and the possibility of a transplant...my mind raced. it all seems surreal now.

i remember coming home that Christmas and attending a dialysis session with her. seeing her there amongst all those "sick people" was difficult for me. she didn't belong there. 3-4 hours a day, 3 days a week, she did not belong there. i remember rubbing her feet new years eve as she lay in bed tired and uncomfortable. i remember thinking, "she's so young, is this really happening?"

i got engaged in april of 2004, married june 19th of that year, and we had our reception in my parent's backyard. we still joke that the incredible attendance at my wedding was due to the fact that my dad was a new bishop, and everyone thought my mom was going to die. thank goodness she didn't, and thank you to all of you that came.

i remember the day of the transplant. i was working an art secretary shift at byu-idaho and my dad was calling periodically with updates.

"they're taking her back."

"they've successfully retrieved molly's kidney."

"they're putting it in mom."

"it's working in mom."

i sobbed there at my desk on the second floor of the new spori building, and said a prayer of gratitude.

AMAZING.

she spent the next month in portland, and her recovery went well. she came home, and eventually felt better than she had felt in years; no complications, no signs of rejection, and the access (called a fistula) was taken out this month. she shouldn't need it again. 

and now her funny "buzzing arm" is flat and quiet and she's entered the world of short sleeved shirts once again. hallelujah mom, let's go shopping:)

i'm so grateful for my mom. she is my best friend, my very best friend. i know i'm lucky to have her. i love the way my kid's faces light up when she comes around. i love how harrison reaches out at his first sight of her, and how her purse has a never ending supply of fruit snacks for olive.

she has amazing quiet dignity and grit strength that i so admire.

i'm so proud of you mom, i love you.

easter

feeling grateful today.

i received some difficult news yesterday that a college roommate's husband, who has been battling hodgkins lymphoma since last august, was to be taken off of life support today after complications due to a recent bought of pneumonia. 
you can read the story here.

it's been a difficult weekend for us girls. it's awful to hear of such immense heartache in one of our own, and it's difficult to know what to do or say. aubry wrote about it beautifully here.

as i was walking to church today with my sweet family in the most perfect spring weather, my mind turned again to carrie and her family and all my "shanty" girls. despite being scattered across the country, i felt close to them today. i knew we were united in thought, and prayer, and faith, and love for carrie and one another. 

so today, easter sunday, i'm praying a little harder, holding my family a little tighter and feeling grateful for the things that really matter most in life.

and on this beautiful holiday above ALL else, i'm grateful for my Savior, for his perfect life, his selfless death, his essential resurrection, and his atoning sacrifice that truly, truly reaches us all, even especially in times like these.

day by day

jan-march 2012:

harrison is growing like a weed. we found out yesterday that he's 75% for height, whoa. following in his sister's footsteps, she came in at 95% for height. apparently we grow them BIG. 
harrison transitioned to a new forward facing carseat last month, and he loves to eat. like, loves. to. eat!
he can say mama, dada, da (dog), ba (ball) and he can sign "milk", "more" and "all done". his big sister picks on him relentlessly but he can't stand to be away from her, no one can make him laugh like she can.

this picture. i die...i made him.

feeling a bit winter-wonder locked back in february, and waiting anxiously for the first signs of spring.

playing outside on the warmer days and dodging the frequent rain that comes with spring in idaho.

olive took this picture of harrison. i kind of LOVE it!

4:00 most any day-witching hour.

we have discovered that in addition to packing tape dispensers, and kid screams on monster's inc, harrison is terrified of carousel rides.

olive is pushing all boundaries lately. she thinks she can do e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g herself. she's discovered playing outside with friends, she's on her bike as much as possible and she's fast. the other morning i went upstairs to switch laundry, and i came down to find a chair by the front door, and it swinging wide open. she had climbed up, unlocked both locks and taken her brother out front to play. harrison was sitting in the dirt on my flowers, thankfully and olive was off riding bikes with her neighborhood posse. BUT holy panic! i do appreciate the break, but it's sort of anxiety ridden appreciation the whole time. we're new at this 3 year old independence thing.

fly tying 101 with papa

she is in love with david archuleta's version of "i'm trying to be like jesus" i totally get it olive, i kind of love him too.

we've entered the world of computer games, and discovered that sesamestreet.org is a great bribe for good behavior.

spencer and i have been working in the yard a lot. i think the things i dreamed of most before we had a home were home design projects and yard work. 

spencer built a garden box and we planted onions and peas last saturday. we have basil, cilantro and bell peppers in the window pining for warmer weather and a yellow wire tomato cage just waiting to be spruced up with red fruit. i feel like a kid waiting for Christmas.

we've also been picking up plants here and there. our back yard was essentially dirt beds when we moved in, and we just bought the most amazing english roses for under our kitchen window. david austin scepter d'isle. google it, dreamy.

a sunday walk by the river. cut short by the rain, but still.

we're also planning summer and setting aside our 2012 something(s) to look forward to.

so far:

• a week in island park with my family
• a girls trip to monterey.
• pool time in july with the peterson's and the newest family babe.
• and a (hopeful) trip to north carolina (in-laws, 100 mile bike ride and the BEACH!), fingers crossed.

remember that one time in december...

when we had family pictures taken? 
like, we got up in the morning, threw together a few outfits (mine and olive's are ALL wrong, and i forgot lipgloss)and drove 10 minutes to old state street.
got to take advantage of my father in law when he's in town and handy with a camera. bless that man and his patience.
it went pretty much like this:

and there you have it, marshall family photos 2011.

hi i'm andi, and i have hair issues

while i was in utah last weekend at a particularly silly moment, aubry took a series of photos of me and posted them on a certain insta-social network.  the pictures were actually of me dancing, but all i could see was my hair, my awful hair! 

disclaimer: this in no way is a criticism on aubry, she's a good friend to me, and i could recognize that the photos WERE funny. 

but the way i saw them was painful. i feel like i reverted back to my insecure 12 year old self for a minute, and i'm almost 30!

let's get real here: 
there is something you should know about me. i have a lifetime of bad hair stories. tears shed over bad cuts, perms, chemical relaxers, flat iron burns and teasing...little orphan annie.

i was a shy kid due in large part to my hair insecurities.

i've tried it long, short, curly and straight. the better part of my college and early married years i spent showering at night and sleeping in a ski hat.

while i thought i'd outgrown most of my hair issues (i still have my days ie: last saturday), these photos brought back a flood of rough memories for me.

SO, in an effort to shake it off, for posterity's sake, and hopefully comic relief, let's take a walk down old memory lane...shall we?

age 3.

age 5.

age 8.

big acting debut at age 10, and i thought the brushed out extreme side part was a good choice.

probably 11 or 12 here, and do not EVER brush dry naturally curly hair. EVER. oh my gosh do you understand now?

8th grade: first experiment with straightening. a best friend + ironing board + iron , still curly at the roots.

sophomore year: half straight, half curly, can you say IDENTITY CRISIS!
AND parts of it are permed here

1999: 
first serious chop. senior picture.

2000:freshman year of college, let's try REEEAAALLY short.
*i had more people ask to touch my hair with this cut than any other. weird.

2001: undoubtedly the WORST. first "professional" =bad chemical relaxer, and way too short . i hate this look so much i can't even tell you. and i had my first real "boyfriend" with this hair, but he was from canada, so that explains a lot, ha. 

2002: chemically relaxed, and just long enough to straighten with a flat iron. enter ski hat sleeping. the rest of college was something pretty close to this.

2004: wedding day. i thought i'd finally figured it out and i'd have this hair forever.

2006: until we moved to humid north carolina. this is me with the same hair as above only in n.c. crazy right?

2007: i grew it longer and went straight again during
the winter in north carolina.

summer 2007: and then i gave up. stopped fighting.

you win hair, you win!
it's been curly ever since.

some journey huh?

anyways, i guess my point is, i'm overdue on a haircut AGAIN, i'm revisiting the straight idea in my head AGAIN, and i'm still a bit sensitive about my hair.
also, i blame my dad, 

whom i also happen to adore.

it is what it is and it's mine.