may 18, 2012
tonight, tonight was one of those nights. we started bedtime at 7:30pm with harrison, olive went down at 9pm. olive came out at 9:30pm and cried waking up harrison. after numerous attempts at bedtime, 10:30pm rolled around and both kids were downstairs on the couch with bowls of cereal because nothing else seemed to keep them occupied, and because both parents were too tired to move (and each was secretly hoping the other would step up and offer to bat for bedtime round 456).
when i finally got up, i took harrison and headed upstairs. and for some reason (laziness) instead of heading for the crib i stopped at the rocker.
i sat down with him and started my i'm not putting you to bed distraction techniques. (animal sounds work for him. i ask, what does a doggy say? "ruff ruff", what does a kitty say? "meow meow") you get the idea. i could feel him start to relax and he nuzzled his sweet little head into my shoulder. the animal sounds somehow transitioned into our favorite primary songs which eventually trailed off to night time quiet.
and he just let me hold him. i held him close, his little body outlined by the nightlight on the dresser, and my eyes welt up in tears. partly because the fight was over, but mostly because of the sweet moment i was sharing with my "not so baby anymore" baby.
when did i stop doing this? i thought to myself, i couldn't remember the last time i'd rocked him.
9 months ago when i was nursing, i used to rock him to sleep every night. and even for sometime after i stopped and was putting him to sleep with a bottle, this was our routine. and then one day it must have just stopped. probably because i was tired or busy and so i put him in bed with his bottle, and he didn't seem to mind, and that one time became our new routine. it wasn't a conscious decision, it just was. and so much time has gone by since, days and weeks and months!
no wonder parents always say their kids grow up so fast. these transitional moments sneak up on us and we adjust our routines over and over again to accommodate and then one day they're grown and leaving for kindergarten and you pray that in between laundry and cooking and picking up and exhaustion you've taught them what they need to know to survive and be good people and always be polite and grateful...
being a parent can be hard, and its funny sometimes how insurmountable a task like bedtime can seem. but tonight, when i finally gave in and forgot about me and what i wanted, it turns out i found something more precious than any couch time could have given me. a sweet, oh so sweet moment with my boy.
and it filled my heart.
*and i think it also helped me keep my cool the next day when he was ladling his sister's unflushed toilet bowl water onto the floor. reality check-let's not get carried away here...
